Paternal Leadership — Coaching, Protecting, and Developing People

Paternal leadership isn’t about being anyone’s father. It’s about being the kind of leader who guides, protects, challenges, and develops people with the same intentionality and care that a parent invests in a child.

It’s a style built on:

• High expectations

• Strong relationships

• Accountability wrapped in compassion

• Teaching, not just telling

• Seeing potential before others do

For me, paternal leadership began at home… but it matured through mentors, coaches, military leaders, and two men who would later play defining roles in my professional life: Mike and Steve.

This leadership style shaped not only how I led others — but how I lived.

Where It Started: A Florida Upbringing Filled With Quiet Lessons

Growing up in a small rural Florida town, leadership wasn’t something my father ever labeled. But his actions taught me the essence of paternal leadership.

He led by connecting with people, building relationships, and being a steady presence in every storm. He didn’t scream when I messed up, and he didn’t hover when I needed to grow. He simply guided me — firm when necessary, patient when teaching, and always invested in who I was becoming.

He didn’t just want me to succeed. He wanted me to become someone capable of leading others.

That is paternal leadership. And it laid the foundation for every leader I admired thereafter.

Coaches Who Pushed, Pulled, and Believed

By the time I hit the weight room and football field, I learned very quickly that paternal leadership wasn’t soft.

Some coaches yelled. Some motivated with fear. But the ones who shaped me most were the ones who invested in me:

• They corrected without tearing down.

• They held the standard high because they believed I could reach it.

• They checked on my life, not just my performance.

These coaches didn’t just want me to run faster or hit harder — they wanted me to grow into a man who could lead others.

They taught me that paternal leadership is a blend of:

expectation + support, discipline + belief, accountability + encouragement.

And that blend stuck with me for life.

The Military Years: Strength, Guidance, and Responsibility

The Army — especially in Special Operations — is where paternal leadership became more defined.

I saw leaders who barked orders from a distance, and I saw leaders who knew their people, understood their struggles, and pushed them toward becoming the strongest versions of themselves.

Two men shaped this lesson in powerful ways:

My Special Forces Shop Warrant Officer

He didn’t lead by intimidation. He led by example, mentorship, and ownership.

He taught, not lectured. Corrected, not criticized. Expected excellence, not perfection.

He carried the responsibility of his soldiers’ growth the same way a father carries responsibility for his children’s future.

My First Sergeant

He embodied the same mindset. His presence wasn’t rooted in fear — it was rooted in confidence, stability, and trust.

His leadership said:“I’ve got you. Now let’s get better together.”

Those men didn’t just shape the soldier I became. They shaped the leader I became.

Two Mentors Who Changed Everything: Mike and Steve

Mike — The Vietnam Marine Veteran Who Led by Character

Mike was one of those rare leaders who combined toughness and tenderness in the same breath. A Vietnam Marine veteran and a board member of mine, he carried quiet authority earned through life, service, and scars that don’t always show.

He didn’t give orders — he gave wisdom. He didn’t micromanage — he challenged. He didn’t preach leadership — he modeled it.

Mike expected the best out of me because he saw the best in me long before I did. His belief became a turning point in my leadership philosophy.

Mike taught me: Leadership is earned through service, and influence through integrity.

Steve — The Head of School Who Combined Heart and High Standards

Steve was vastly different in personality, yet powerfully similar in spirit. As my former head of school mentor and friend, he led with empathy and discipline, warmth and clarity. He knew when to be firm, when to coach, and when to simply listen.

Steve had a gift: He made you want to rise to the level of leader he saw in you.

He treated his faculty and staff the same way a good coach treats his players — as people worth investing in. His leadership was equal parts structure, compassion, accountability, and mentorship.

From Steve I learned: Leadership is about lifting others to heights they didn’t know they could reach.

What Paternal Leadership Really Means

Paternal leadership is not about control. It’s about responsibility.

Responsibility for:

• the growth of your team

• the confidence of your people

• the development of future leaders

• the culture you create

• the legacy you leave behind

It means:

• Protecting your team when they need it

• Pushing them when they’re capable of more

• Teaching them what you know

• Coaching them through failures

• Celebrating their victories

• Believing in them before they believe in themselves

Paternal leadership builds leaders who stand strong, think for themselves, and look out for others.

Why Paternal Leadership Works

Because people thrive when they know:

• their leader cares

• their growth matters

• their value is seen

• their mistakes won’t define them

• their leader is in the trenches with them

• they are being prepared for something greater

And the truth is simple:

When a leader invests in you like a parent invests in a child, you don’t just perform better — you become better.

My father planted those seeds.

My coaches watered them.

The military sharpened them.

Mentors like Mike and Steve turned them into a leadership philosophy I carry every day.